I wish it weren’t true, but….Oct 10, 2023
For years I fought for their love; for their acceptance, compassion, commitment, loyalty, celebration, and protection. I fought for others to love me.
Why wouldn’t they stay?
Why wouldn’t they treat me with the same love I offered?
What was wrong with me?
Well, it’s because my standards were too low. I was tolerating the bare minimum and basic attention and behaviors and interpreting it as love. I was also giving too much and getting confusion, withdrawal, and avoidance. Why was I begging for their attention?
Sound familiar? Not only was this my people-pleasing nature, but also my conditioning as a woman. Give to get. Abandon me, my body, and my heart for their “love.”
After one relationship ended, I asked: What could I do better in my next relationship? “You could raise your standards,” they said. Huh. What does that mean…
It was here that I understood that I wasn’t respecting myself. Crossing my boundaries didn’t come with consequences. I gave too many chances. I missed the signs telling me it was time to go. I was insecure and letting their attention dictate my movements in life. I was compassionate with their lives at my expense. LIKE WTF?!
One day I asked: Why am I fighting for them to love ME?
The voice inside me said: Oh, hell no. You deserve more. Are you willing to give that to yourself?
When I started fighting for my own love, I found my worthiness, self-respect, and reasons to protect myself. Then, I decided to treat myself with respect and only give people access to my precious time and energy when they showed me that they would protect my peace.