What do you sell your authenticity/sovereignty for?Jun 20, 2023
If you scratched your head about this question, good. I was hoping for that. Sometimes I like to ask my general outreaching community questions that have been rolling around in my head, for the sake of understanding what people are working with. Thank you for sharing what your truth is.
A conversation from a couple weeks ago has sat deep in my chest and I’ve been mulling it over since. A friend shared that they were caught in pattern; a place they had seen before and were too attached to honor their truest understanding of themselves. Their value for comfort and connection overrode their wants for authentic expression. They were living in the safe zone and for others, feeling suffocated that they couldn’t live the life they truly desire. As we explored this piece, I could empathize with the place inside of them that enjoyed the safety of knowing the pattern as well as the pain of the abandonment of their own needs. I’ve been here before too, especially in the codependent relationship I was participating in. I mean, this is so common and so beautifully human. How often have you chosen to NOT live in Your honest expression for the sake of another or guilt or the belief that what you want isn’t possible or right or ...?
There’s many ways people choose to not walk in their truth. Whether it be for money, comfort, protection, or “some other desire or need,” when people chose not to honor themselves, it becomes a rift in their personal trust. Folx will literally do what they can to get their desperate needs met. We see abandonment of self when people are so enmeshed in a story that they are running about how they cannot have what they want or what they want is bad/wrong or for a level of safety only silence can offer. Most people don’t know that they give themselves away, because it’s so buried in the shadow and until they go digging into their own personal subconscious motivators, they may never have access to it. This is where old programming is ruling our lives.
Like most times when I get to banter with another, I often reflect personally on the work they are sorting. Asking myself: Where do I choose others over myself? What do I give my power away to? In this exploration, I’ve found that the places where I abandon my truth is where I want to meet my highest value: connection. Sometimes it’s with food or drink, sometimes it’s activities, and others it’s stepping into a space that is not in the highest integrity for both or all parties. It used to be: staying in a relationship that was failing, not sharing my feelings, trying to push myself to behave in ways that would make the other feel more comfortable, and not setting clear boundaries. Don’t get me wrong, there are other needs that want to be met on the other side that are driving this action. That’s why I stepped over the line. My line. I’m seeking to meet my need to stay in connection and have walked over my intuition. It’s happening less and less these days and sometimes I still feel the pull to deny my truest of values or I’m not clear in the moment. Is it wrong or bad that I’m making these choices, no. Not at all. This is what humans do. Now, I just want to make these choices in complete conscious awareness. This means that I’m in integrity with the agreements that I have with myself. Which in turn builds deeper trust, empowerment, and self reliance. Because I know, the relationship that I have with myself, is the one I’ll recreate with others.
In saying this, I’m not suggesting we stubbornly behave as though we are alone and nobody else matters, I’m merely saying that a deeper inquiry into “why do I do what I do” is a beneficial question to ask ourselves. The questions “Am I being fully honest with my feelings and wants right now?” “Is my behavior meant for me or for another’s comfort?” “Am I living in integrity with my truth, while honoring others boundaries?” Are just an exploration in whether we are living our most authentic lives or not.